Some families are incredibly close, spending vacations together and genuinely enjoying each other’s company. Others are deeply divided—unable to get along even under the best of circumstances. And then there are families who stay connected but carry underlying tensions…a few unspoken conflicts, clashing personalities, or emotional distance that flares up during stressful times.
No matter where your family falls on the spectrum, when a parent passes away and leaves behind a home, the emotional and logistical challenges can push even the most grounded families into unfamiliar and uncomfortable territory.
In some cases, there’s been plenty of open conversation before the inevitable—wills drawn, roles assigned, instructions crystal clear. But in many families, it’s just not something that gets talked about until the moment arrives. And by then, emotions are already running high.
It’s easy to say the answer is more communication. Just talk about it ahead of time. Make a plan. Put it all in writing. And yes—in a perfect world, that would happen.
But as many people know, it’s not always that simple.
It’s easy to say the answer is more communication. Just talk about it ahead of time. Make a plan. Put it all in writing. And yes—in a perfect world, that would happen.
But as many people know, it’s not always that simple. Talking about death—even in the context of planning—can feel awkward or even taboo.
Which is why so many people find themselves navigating tricky decisions, old wounds, and a lot of gray area after the fact—when one of the biggest assets in the family becomes the biggest elephant in the room: the house.
When a Family Member Feels They Should Get the House
A recent article from Realtor.com covers the basics of how to sell a parent’s home—from prepping it for sale to coping with the emotions involved. It’s a helpful guide. But one common scenario it doesn’t directly address is when someone in the family wants to keep the house for themselves.
It’s not always about holding onto sentimental value. Sometimes, a family member believes they deserve to live in the house or buy it at a discounted price, or even get it for free. And if you’re not that person, it can be really difficult to understand their reasoning… or to stay calm about it.
Whether they’re asking for the house outright, or offering to buy it at below-market value, it’s easy to get wrapped up in debates about what’s “fair.” But emotions don’t care about spreadsheets or comps. And even when someone’s request seems unreasonable, dismissing them too quickly can backfire.
Let’s take a look at why some family members might feel like they deserve the house—and then explore a few ways to approach the situation that might save relationships (and sanity) in the process.
Why They May Feel Like They Have a Right to the House (Or a Deal)
Here are a few common reasons a sibling or family member might believe they should be the one to keep the home—or get a deal on it:
- They “need it” more. Maybe they’re struggling financially, dealing with health issues, or just generally feel like life’s been harder on them. They may see the house as a lifeline… or a fair shake after years of tough breaks.
- They’ve been house hunting without success. In markets where inventory is tight or prices are high, the idea of having access to a home without the competition can be incredibly tempting—and emotional. Watching the house go up for sale to strangers may feel like losing out yet again.
- They felt they had a closer relationship with the parent(s). Whether they lived nearby and were the primary caregiver, or they simply had a more emotionally connected relationship, some family members feel a deeper bond to the home—and see keeping it as a way of honoring that connection. Or perhaps just more entitled to it.
- A verbal promise was made. One of the most common flashpoints in estate situations is when a parent said someone could have the house… but didn’t put it in writing. That can be hard to prove—or disprove—and can create tension between those holding the legal documents and those holding on to a memory.
- They lived there already. In some cases, a family member has been living in the house—either long-term or in the final months of a parent’s life. Being told they have to move out can feel like they’re being forced out of their own home.
- They feel like they’ve earned it. Maybe they paid for renovations, took care of the yard, handled the bills, or sacrificed in ways no one else did. Those contributions can build a sense of “ownership,” even if not reflected on paper.
How to Navigate the Emotions—and the Process
There’s no one-size-fits-all solution to this kind of situation, but few things to consider that might be helpful depending on your situation:
- Pick your battles. Sometimes, keeping the peace is more valuable than squeezing every dollar out of the sale. If it’s feasible—and everyone else is on board—it might make sense to let them have the house, especially if they’re willing to buy out the other heirs at a fair price.
- Consider bringing in a neutral third party. Emotions can cloud even the most basic conversations. A mediator, family therapist, or estate attorney can help keep discussions grounded and productive.
- Consult an estate lawyer. Whether there’s a will or not, having legal guidance is essential. An attorney can help determine what’s enforceable, what’s fair, and how to protect everyone’s rights.
- Lean on a real estate agent with experience in probate or estate sales. An agent who’s familiar with these types of sales can help manage timelines, pricing, and even delicate conversations between family members.
- Set clear deadlines. If someone wants to buy the house, make sure there’s a timeline in place. Open-ended waiting periods can stall the process, add stress, and create resentment.
- Document everything. Even if you’re trying to avoid conflict, make sure all agreements and decisions are in writing.
Dealing with the sale of a parent’s home is never just about bricks and mortar. It’s about history, grief, family dynamics, and—sometimes—decades of unspoken expectations or unresolved tension.
When emotions and real estate collide, it’s easy to lose sight of the big picture. But as hard as it is, treating the situation with compassion, clarity, and a little bit of structure can go a long way in preserving relationships, and reaching a resolution everyone can live with.
The Takeaway:
Every family handles loss differently. And when a parent’s home is left behind, it can stir up more than just memories. Sometimes, a family member wants to keep the home—or believes they’re owed the chance to buy it—putting pressure on relationships and the entire situation.
While it’s tempting to dig in and fight for what’s “fair,” remember that feelings often drive these conversations more than facts. By understanding where others are coming from—and leaning on professionals to guide the process—you’re more likely to reach a decision that feels not just practical, but peaceful.
